Who will be England’s World Cup scapegoat?
6 days ago, 16:59
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A pessimist’s guide to England’s World Cup
We know the story by now. England crash out of the World Cup and someone is to blame. The only question is who? Here’s my guide to the most likely England fall guys, ranked in order, starting with the most likely villain.
1. John Stones – Topping my list is the ultimate heart attack centre-back. And he will probably be rusty too.
2. Raheem Sterling – The footy idiot won’t have to do a lot wrong to become the most hated man in England. Shoddy finishing in pressure situations and my top choice for a crucial penalty miss.
3. Gareth Southgate – If only he had picked Andy Carroll, the fool – we needed a Plan B! Everyone knows better than the England manager.
4. Jordan Pickford – Can a 12 year old boy cope with the England World Cup pressure cooker? Looks nervy at times and we have seen recently that he’s prone to a clanger.
5. Dele Alli – Track record of petulance and hot-headedness, particularly when a game isn’t going his way. Will be targeted by opponents.
6. Harry Kane – The weight of expectation is on his shoulders. Could be tournament top scorer, but could just as easily draw a blank and revert to desperate shooting from anywhere and everywhere.
7. Eric Dier – Oh so calm on the ball…oh God no, not there.
8. Harry Maguire – Oh so calm on the ball…oh God no, not there.
9. Phil Jones – Solid and no-nonsense, but a prime candidate to handle in the area or score a stunning own goal. I can see the look of exasperation on his face already.
10. Kyle Walker – Will make mistakes, just a question of whether he can use his pace to get back in time to make up for it.
11. Gary Cahill – Well past his best. Likes to give the ball away in dangerous areas. Not a likely to starter though, so further down the list than he would normally sit.
12. Jamie Vardy – Pressing the ball too hard he picks up his second bookable offence and he’s off, screaming profanities at the referee.
13. Danny Welbeck – The ball breaks for Welbeck, he’s clean through.and he’s bloody fallen over and shanked it into the top tier. Again.
14. Ashley Young – Not too hard to imagine an over-the-top-of-the-ball lunge against a tricky winger who has been getting the better of him.
15. Alexander-Arnold – Young and completely inexperienced at this level. Might be targeted by more savvy and physical opponents as he was by Man U. Will be forgiven, as he is just a baby.
16-23. The rest – Still plenty of potential penalty missers amongst that lot.
Jaymo (Part 2 – ‘readymade excuses’ to follow) LCFC
Category: sports football