Six questions women ask about s3x and how to solve them
5 months ago, 13 June 16:07
Alas, love does not guarantee great sex – which is why even couples who think the world of each other struggle when their heart and other parts can’t agree.
While I can’t make decisions for you – only you know all the individual quirks that make your relationship unique – I can offer some advice on these complicated quandaries awaiting the most innocent of couples.
Should I leave if my partner can’t give me an orgasm?
I’m going to make two assumptions here.
First, that you’re a woman reading this because most men rarely have orgasm problems.
Second, that you’re probably straight – lesbians have a way (way) higher orgasm rate than straight couples.
Now we’ve established that, here’s my take on it.
It’s one thing ditching a man who makes absolutely no attempt to find out why you haven’t climaxed or doesn’t try to rectify the situation.
Quite another, dumping a lover who spends every waking hour desperately scouring the internet for sure-fire orgasm techniques and practically dislocates his tongue trying to make it happen.
Let’s be clear here: no one can ‘give’ you an orgasm. You have to take one for yourself.
That means learning how to orgasm through using a vibrator or masturbation, then showing him how to do it with his fingers.
You then need to show and direct him on how to use his tongue – and explain that you need certain positions (which hit the front vaginal wall) or an extra hand (or finger or vibrator) to help you climax during intercourse.
He also needs to know that having an orgasm during penetration is the hardest time of all for the majority of women.
All this puts the responsibility for orgasm back on you – which is where it should be. It’s your body and your orgasm!
You have to speak up and communicate what it is you need to tip you over.
Sure, there are some men out there who are such experienced lovers they’ve mastered a technique which does it for most women.
But a good lover doesn’t mean he’ll be a great partner and leaving a man who can’t give you an orgasm because he doesn’t have a clue what you need or want, is a bit like chucking away a diamond necklace because you can’t work out how the clasp works.
Which is worse: having boring sex or no sex at all?
Continually having mind-numblingly boring sex, isn’t doing either of you any favours.
Lots of reputable sex therapists are all for couples stopping having sex altogether – well, for 30 days anyway.
Sexual abstinence can help kick start a lagging love life because sometimes we’re so set in our toxic sex and relationship patterns, the only way out is to wipe the slate clean and start over again.
If your sex life is in a dire state, I’d highly recommend finding yourself a good therapist (try itsgoodtotalk.org.uk or relate.org.uk) who will fine tune ...
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