KITOTO: What qualities should I look for in a man?
5 months ago, 16 July 03:10
I am a huge fan of your column and find it enlightening.
I’m 28 years old and looking to settling down in marriage. What exactly are the qualities to look for in a man?
I have noted that my boyfriend is really patient with me, which is a quality I totally lack, I must say.
He is quick to apologise, has integrity and is modest. Does love “grow” in marriage or is it a choice?
Thank you for the compliment. We are always happy to serve you through this column. We hope it is making an impact on your life.
Relationships are both dynamic and, in most cases complicated, depending on the level of interaction and connection.
First, I would say that, based on the reasons that bring two people together, their relationship will thrive or face difficult moments.
In most cases, many spouses marry for selfish reasons. But such marriages last only for as long as the benefits either party was looking for start dwindling.
A story is told about two men; one built his house upon the sand, and the other built his upon the rock. When the floods (testing moments of the storms of life) came, the house built on the sand collapsed while the one built on the rock stood the test of time.
I believe this analogy could be applied to the kind of foundation on which a relationship is based.
Great and lasting attributes include trustworthiness, faithfulness, patience, love, and effective communication, among others.
When dating someone, do not overlook these small and seemingly insignificant values. Later, they are the key stones that make up the foundation.
How trustworthy is this man you are dating? Does he keep his word? Can he be trusted with money? Does he disclose issues or does he thrive in secrecy?
A relationship with values is like a house built on the rock.
Secondly, does he respect your opinions and who you are as a person or are you living in his shadow seeking to measure up and to please him?
A relationship in which you feel like a second-class citizen is not good for you.
Your voice must be heard when you are dating just as much as you expect it to be heard after you get married.
I believe that, if two people do a good job of the way they relate, they will find it easier to build their love together.
Third, try your best to make your partner your friend. Intimacy grows deeper with friendship.
It is sad that in many cases, by the time two people are getting married, they are virtually strangers.
Disclosure starts early in courtship, during which two people share a lot together that sheds light on who they truly are. Disclosure must never be forced.
So, in summary, a great man to marry is, first, marry him for the right reasons; second, look for a man who espouses the values you believe in; third, marry someone who is a friend; and finally, marry someone who values you for who you are.
Is this man married and just stringing me along?
I am ...
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