Family therapy matters
1 months ago, 21 Sep 18:09
Anita was a frequent visitor to the sexology clinic. Her complaint was lack of interest in sex. She was 37 years old and an accountant in a busy company. Anita’s husband, Jerry, was 40 and a high school teacher.
The couple had been married for eight years, during which time they had two children.
I took a detailed medical history from Anita and her husband. The couple had sex just about 10 times in a year. Anita did not find it exciting. Jerry was frustrated because for him, sex meant a lot t. The relationship was degenerating fast.
“What Jerry does not understand is that this thing is not of my own making,” Anita explained. “I just have no interest. I keep forcing myself to have sex and for me that is not proper at all. It is akin to rape.”
“I suspect you are having an affair with your boss,” Jerry interrupted. “Let the truth be told, this problem started when you changed jobs and met that man!” Anita started shouting at Jerry. She did not understand where the surprise accusation had come from. It was the first time Jerry had said such a thing.
ORDERED FOR TESTS
I ordered for tests to rule out any chronic medical or hormone problem that could have made Anita go numb. The results showed everything was fine. I concluded that the reason why Anita could have lost interest in sex was due to a psychologically stressful situation.
After a series of individual and joint meetings with the couple, I concluded that the family had moved into a new stage which both Anita and Jerry had not adapted to. They lived in the past yet the relationship had matured into a different stage.
Each marriage goes through stages, and each stage is different. Members of the couple start out as single individuals. They meet and date, and this process is pushed by hormones. The hormones promote passion and sex is great at this stage.
Then the children start coming and reality takes the place of those hormones. The couple starts to realise how different and inadequate they are for each other. Relationship skills and family values are what keeps the couple afloat at this time.
Disagreements become common and it may become more comfortable confiding in other people outside the marriage. The couple may even hate each other. Sex suffers at this stage.
Some couples may become unfaithful. Others loathe each other. The children complicate the scenario further Intimacy and sex can take a downward dip.
STRESS CAN BE CONVERTED INTO SEXUAL PROBLEMS
As children grow and become adolescents, things can deteriorate further. At this stage, stress can be converted to real sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or escalating lack of sex desire, all of psychological origin.
Before long children leave home and the couple is left hollow and with nothing to offer each other. They age miserably.
“So exactly what are you saying doctor, that we are headed for trouble ...
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